This post is a reflection on what I read this morning at
my sweet sister’s blog Inking the Heart. Rachael has been sowing God’s truth
into my heart over the last 9 weeks through her series called “Who God Says You
Are.” I hope you take time to see how God uses her words to speak a bold truth.
Quiet. The house is quiet for once. Music plays, but it’s
my music with no one to change it at the best part of the song. There are no
competing voices to erupt into an argument that seems so unsacred in that
sacred moment that had been building in my heart. For a 3 day moment, the house
is mine… mine alone and I am soaking in peace. And the Lord is whispering into
my moment. And I have time to listen hard and listen long and listen on repeat
if I want. Over and over. And this is what he said:
You know that I
love you, but it’s more than that. For you, in this time, I want you to know
that it is about HOW I love you.
As I clean house, I hear simply, “It’s how I love you.”
As I vacuum a floor twice because once just isn’t good enough with 5 kids and a
dog sharing life with it, I hear “It’s how I love you.” I step outside and
relish thunderclouds that offer a fresh 80 degree breeze compared to the stagnant
108 of 2 days ago and I hear, “It’s how I love you.”
“I love you, child, with an everlasting love. I have
drawn you with loving-kindness.” (Jeremiah 31:3)
“But God demonstrates his love for us in this, while we
were yet sinners, Christ died for us.” (Romans 5:8)
Thoughts flood my mind. His love is extravagant. His love
surrounds. It pursues me into a trap, into the tight grip of itself. His love
is hot on my heels and yet stands before me with arms open wide. I throw myself
into the safety of its embrace. The love that was in pursuit pounces on me and
smothers me in holy kisses of tender affection. Oh how he loves us so.
The Lord took his sweet time to
speak of formative experiences and wove this new, fresh truth into what had
once been harsh and unforgiving. Hosea 2:14-15 became living and active as he
cut through my fears and anxious thoughts.
I remembered that growing up in the
competitive culture of AAU swimming, DQ was the one thing I never wanted
written across my time card. Disqualified. The race was for nothing. Didn’t count. All those points just earned,
gone. Year after year that shaped me because even to this day, one of my
greatest fears as a Christian is being disqualified in this race. Paul
describes it. I fear it. But, into that fear my Lord spoke, “It’s how I love.”
"Therefore I am now going to
allure her; I will lead her into the desert and speak tenderly to her. There I will give her back her vineyards…” (Hosea 2:14-15)
He takes me away, alone, in a quiet
place, and he gives back my standing. He gives back my favor. When I am
disqualified, he offers all that was lost back to me.
Going deeper yet, I was reminded of how
a swimmer could have a weakness in her stroke, one that was a huge issue: a
flutter kick, a scissor kick, a careless touch on the wall. Some faults could
be forgiven. Some weaknesses could not. Some kids got DQ’d. A lot. They
agonized before certain races. Will they do it again? Thankfully, I never
struggled with that in swimming. At least in the pool my faults rarely got me in
trouble. But in my walk they do. My tongue disqualifies me often. My meandering
mind and my wandering heart both cross that line more times than I can
remember. Certain situations stir anxiety in my heart, because I know, I know
what I am capable of. So the Lord says, “It’s HOW I love you.”
“…and [I] will make the Valley of
Achor a door of hope.” (Hosea 2: 15)
The Valley of Achor was Israel’s
stumbling block. It’s where they DQ’d. It represents that very point, that very
weakness that removes us from the running time and time again. And that is the
very place that our Savior built for us a door. It is at that point where we consistently fail, that he arrives with tools and wood in hand and begins
building… and out of his sacrifice, we gain access to his love. We are given a
door of hope. “It’s HOW I love you.”
Oh, how he loves us.
And these thoughts ebbed and flowed
through my heart all day. I cleaned, I rested, I took myself out to dinner. I sat in counsel with sisters of like mind and spirit. The sun set red, and thunderclouds tried to
decide their temperament as my wheels traced their lines down Freeway 99 back
home.
Now sitting again in the silence, I
hear a familiar whisper, “It’s HOW I love you.” He’s not done speaking to me. Joy
fills my heart. I sing a familiar song, and think of unforeseen kisses. Oh, how
he loves us so. Oh how he loves us. How he loves us so!
“There she will sing as in the days of her youth, as in the day she came
up out of Egypt.” (Hosea 2:15)
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