Mornings are fresh. They start with optimism. Change is
possible and exciting. I remember morning. It was when my life was doable. It
was when I felt my brokenness could be healed with a life giving word or an
inspired book or a spirit filled worship set. In those hours I believed I
should be healed in a breath and strengthened by a touch.
I long for morning.
But life carried me here. It is with heavier limbs and a
weary heart that I realize I have an afternoon perspective that wishes for the
morning’s do over. His mercies are new every morning. I rested in that promise
every day I homeschooled. But, it’s afternoon now. How I need another morning.
Through painful failings I have come to understand that
healing isn’t going to come quick and I am sorry for it. I know I need more
than a successful surgery to be better than new. My healing will be long. And the
morning seems too far away. My kids will go to public school because afternoon
doesn’t offer the same opportunities to bounce back that morning did.
I’ve come around a bend and I’m finally seeing healing
paths, but I do not have the energy to walk them. I sit and ponder them. Years
ago with the sun yet young in the sky, I would have run along those paths and
danced and thrown myself at the hope of newness. Now, I do not.
(Is. 30:15)
Maybe, the Lord was waiting for me in this place. His
mercies carried me through the morning for his good reasons, but now he wants
me tired. He wants me willing to crawl, and sit, and weep, privileges I never
afforded myself when I thought healing was earned through effort.
As I let go of disappointment, my vision clears and I see
wholeness. I may miss morning, but my heart is released more fully to God’s
purpose than ever before. I’m willing to lay down control. I give myself permission
to trust. I will accept my time. I will learn how to do “afternoon”. I will be
thankful for all that the morning energy bought for me so that I could discover
this hidden midday path.
I got an early start on this one, but on June 10th I'll be linking up with Concrete Words at http://sixinthehickorysticks.blogspot.com/
Come join the fun! The prompt for the 10th is The Morning.
I got an early start on this one, but on June 10th I'll be linking up with Concrete Words at http://sixinthehickorysticks.blogspot.com/
Come join the fun! The prompt for the 10th is The Morning.
I also linked up on Playdates With God: http://www.lauraboggess.com/
photo credit: ronsaunders47 via photopin cc
That's painfully beautiful, Karin. Thanks for sharing.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for visiting. I appreciate the encouragement!
ReplyDeleteKarin, I am amazed at how you took this line, "I have an afternoon perspective that wishes for the morning’s do over" and took us on a short yet so powerful journey with you, as your readers...the pondering of the healing paths without the energy to take them (that line broke me), the crawling to his feet because you realize you cannot perform your way there. And then this declaration that is not just pretty faith: "I will learn how to do 'afternoon.' I will be thankful for all that the morning energy bought for me so that I could discover this hidden midday path." Praying for you in this new process of discovery.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for linking up at Nacole's place with your Concrete Words.
Ashley Larkin
ashleymlarkin.com
Thank you, sincerly, for walking with me for a bit and for sharing what the words meant to you. When words just spill out onto page, we often aren't sure if they will mean as much to others as they do to ourselves. You greatly encouraged me. Blessings.
DeleteHi Karin. I found this resonating strongly with me. Our perpectives are similar as I too seek to adjust to Slow Lane living where God appears to want me tired. And from this place, as our "vision clears" and we "see wholeness", we are granted grace to sit by as faster lives play out before us. Although I've been chronically sick for over 20 years, I'm still in the process of accepting that place and time as I too "learn to do afternoon". It's an area of stepping back in order to spend more time steeped in His presence. May you be greatly blessed in the process. You are in my thoughts and prayers. So pleased to connect with you through the #concretewords link up :) xx
ReplyDeleteThank you for your perspective. It encourages me when women who have stepped out of the fray share with me how they have found it a good place to be. I'm so glad you linked up here and hope to see you around.
DeleteIt is with heavier limbs and a weary heart that I realize I have an afternoon perspective that wishes for the morning’s do over <--- oh yes, this!! What a beautiful post, I love reading your words and I can relate to so much of what you say.
ReplyDelete